Having been a telemarketer for almost two years, I have heard
of many a funny call, but this one beats everything. Tarun
was a new hire who’d joined our team recently. Being a little slow,
he was way off his target and was trying to make up by working
very hard. He’d been trashed by our manager and sales coach to
stop using his brains and just read the script out the minute he got
someone on the phone. We were marketing the services of our call
center division to small businesses. He was trying the numbers on
his calling list and fi nally got through to someone on one of the
phone numbers. I was sitting right beside him and was on break
when he quickly looked at the name of the person who he was
supposed to talk to.
‘May I speak to Mr. Svarowski, please?’ he asked.
‘Hold on, I’ll transfer you to him.’
Mr. Svarowski came on the line, ‘Mr. Svarowski here, what can
I do for you?’
‘Good morning, Mr. Svarowski, my name is Tyler and I’m
calling from MLK corp. How do you do?’ asked Tarun in his best
‘I’m fine thank you, what is this regarding?’ asked Mr.
‘I’d like to take a couple of minutes of your time to explain
why I’m calling. Is this a good time to talk?’ asked Tarun.
‘Umm, yeah sure. Go ahead.’
‘Mr. Svarowski, we have studied your organisation and we believe
there is a very good fi t in terms of our capabilities and your needs.
An organisation quite similar to yours is saving more than thirty per
cent of its expenditures by outsourcing work to us. Our services
cover the range of your operations from back offi ce management
to help desk, payroll and even manning the reception desk.’ Tarun
paused to let it sink in.
‘I’m not sure I understand,’ began Mr. Svarowski but Tarun
immediately started with the next part of his pitch.
‘I am offering an outsourced services solution where you will
be free to take care of your core business without having to worry
about all the backend processes. You can concentrate on your
products and client acquisition while we manage all the background
processes like payroll, query center, reception desk etc. We can look
at your existing systems and customise our processes to match your
specifi c needs. Like I mentioned earlier, we have proven expertise
in this fi eld as proved by the testimonies of similar customers who
are saving a signifi cant amount of money by outsourcing all the
backend work to us. We will get all the backend work done here
in India even while you are asleep and at a fraction of what the
same it would cost you in the USA. How does this sound to you?’
he fi nished breathlessly.
There was a pause for a minute and Mr. Svarowski said, ‘I’m
not sure you have the right number, son. This is the Bayview area
police station and I’m Sgt. Svarowski on the line. We handle cases
related to rape, murder, burglary, arson and vandalism among other
things. It will be rather diffi cult to outsource the investigation of any
of the above. Thank you for your time and have a safe day!’
We now call Tarun, Sgt. Outsourcer.